Après moi le deluge

Mon, 04 May 2009 00:17:22 GMT

L.R.

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 01:40:57 GMT

No one even knows,
except a few.
And I bet you aren't one of them.

So exhausted... I need to sleep for a year.

Karma.

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 23:49:04 GMT

I don't find myself to typically be a mean person.
Sometimes I am not all that friendly, but never really mean.
But I really wish that I could ruin this persons next year of life.
Maybe two years.
I just want her to feel deep emotional pain.
I want her to feel karma kick her teeth in.

I know this sounds horrible...

I honestly do not care.

She took a 2 1/2 year commitment,
with a 1 1/2 year progress,
and flipped it upside down.
Snaked her way into my life and took my knees out,
all within 8 hours.

I know being the bigger person is shrugging it off,
acting confident, unaffected, and poised,
but I seriously have so much anger and confusion built up
inside of my little heart that I feel like I may burst.

Dumb cunt. Karma is a bitch.

Be just as mad at him.
It's easy to push the blame,
but I know better than to do this at this point.

I am not even as mad as I am severely disappointed.
Disappointed in how he let this happen.
Disappointed that I need to question everything. All over again.

I need a strong drink or something.

Through thick and thin.

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 05:09:26 GMT

Things feel peaceful right now.
Well, actually the last few days.
I want nothing more for that to last
and for it to become a normal thing.
I want to expect it to always be like this,
it feels so nice and... Normal.
How rare.

Drift and stray.

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 08:41:37 GMT

Distance...

Mental distance.

Moving forward together.

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:57:46 GMT

I'm scared of the future.

I'm scared to completely trust you.
I don't know how to.

Iraq phone calls.

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 02:01:17 GMT

When he calls I just burst into tears of happiness and sadness.
I miss him more than I ever have.
I miss being able to curl up next to him.
I actually miss watching him play video games.
I feel like time is moving so slow,
I know that will change but as of right now
everything is in slow motion.

I want this to be over already.

Iraq.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 07:38:25 GMT

I keep repeating "I'm not ready for this" over and over,
as if at some point I would be ready.
I will never be ready.

Ever.

Sept. 14.

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:36:31 GMT

Summers over, back to the real world
of homework and school and trying to be on time.

Time is moving really fast and before I know it
you will be so far away from me that calling you
won't even be an option.
I'll have to wait for your call.

It hurts to think about it.
I'm not scared, I know you will be okay.
It's only for 4 months.
It hasn't hit me how long that is going to seem.

In the last two years of being together
3 weeks is the longest we have ever gone
without being able to see each other.

It's going to be hard,
but I know we'll be okay.

Ugh.

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 06:27:39 GMT

Hoping for sunshine, but preparing for rain.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:33:49 GMT

Breathe Deep, Breathe Easy

Lies.

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 19:47:05 GMT

Ugh.

Fri, 16 May 2008 02:38:20 GMT

Went to the ER.

White blood cell count : 1600
Normal count: 1080

My intestines feel like they are going to explode.
Moving at all hurts. Breathing hurts.

Catscans. Ultra sounds. Mad injections. Mad tests.
Only to find they can't seem to find the cause,
but it has to be an intestinal infection of some sort.

blehhh.

And Lauren, I want to come see you
and was going to today.
The second I can move, I am bringing you presents!<333

So much.

Sat, 03 May 2008 17:37:34 GMT

So much to say.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:24:50 GMT

"If you keep doing something a certain way and the result you get is unwanted, but you still keep trying without changing your approach, that is the definition of being crazy."

Disney.

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 01:44:44 GMT

Florida is wonderful.
I feel at peace with everything.
I don't want to come home.

Birthdayyy

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:54:55 GMT

Ughhhh, someone get me these for my birthday!

7/8 pleasseee

Crazy.

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:26:52 GMT

I am my own worst enemy.
I need to calm down.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:35:13 GMT

I am glad you guys are home <3

13th.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:20:19 GMT

Trying my hardest not to judge things quickly.
Just try and think on the bright side
instead of thinking of "what if it were this"
which is really bad for this relationship.
I have gotten better. I just need to not assume.

I'm happy... We may fight and bicker, but, I am happy.
He makes me smile and laugh.
We may not see eye to eye on everything
and we may butt heads more often than not,
but in reality, I wouldn't give that up for anything.

This has to stop. You have to stop.

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:07:35 GMT

What the hell.
Stop with the fucking nightmares.
I thought this was over with.

Christmas is coming.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 20:37:44 GMT

I feel... content.
With almost everything.

Ginger.

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:06:33 GMT

I'm not ready to let go of her.
But she's 15 years old and she's not doing well.
She can barely move. She's so skinny.
She throws up even after drinking water.
My poor puppy.
This fucking sucks.

J. and L.

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:10:14 GMT

It's times like right now
that my heart feels so heavy
and so just overwhelmed
that I want to rip it out.

I remember when you said to me
that having all those girls
wasn't worth losing me.

SICKKK.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:06:33 GMT

As much as an asshole as he can be,
even though he infuriates me
and constantly pushes my buttons.

And I remember exactly why I love him so much.

I left little drawings around the apartment implying that he shave his lumberjack beard.
This is what he walked downstairs with.